Leni Riefenstahl joke

“Hey, did you hear that Leni Riefenstahl came back from the dead to make a new movie?”

“No, what’s it called?”

“Trumpf Of The Wall”

The Zsa Zsa joke

I found the origin of the Zsa Zsa joke!

Kitzmiller v Dover (2005): SCOTT A. MINNICH (defense lawyer): I kind of feel like Zsa Zsa’s fifth husband, you know? As the old adage goes, “You know I know what to do, but I just can’t make it exciting.” But I’ll try.

The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: Jackie Gleason (1975): MILTON BERLE: This is the 12th roast I’ve appeared on this last month, and you know you do so many of these roasts you run out of things to say. Like, tonight I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor’s next husband. I mean I know what I’m supposed to do, but how do you make it interesting?

Kitten Math

Q: What is a kitten’s favorite arch shape? A: Catenary

Q: What method do kittens use to reason? A: Fuzzy logic.

Q: What part of algebra are kittens best at? A: Pawlynomials.

Why did the White House add another phone line?

Q: Why did the White House add another phone line?
A: For the alternative fax.

I built a Wall …

So, I was playing Civ 5 as Harun al-Rashid, having trouble with China to my east and trying to be friendly to Montezuma to my south. But after I settled China by destroying their invading army, Montezuma double-crossed me and invaded himself. It was difficult defending because I had just finished a war; at one point I had to pay 300 gold to quickly build a Wall around my southernmost city to increase its defensive strength. (I normally try to avoid spending ANYTHING on military early in the game, as it slows down growth.)

But this gave me a goal. Montezuma offered peace if I would pay him off with gold and resources, but I declined.

A little later, he offered peace for free. But I declined again.

Finally, as I was pushing into his territory and threatening to take one of his cities, he offered peace with 52 gold now and 11 gold per turn for 25 turns (52 + 275 = 327 total). I accepted because it achieved my goal, which was to get at least 300 gold from him.

That’s right: I built a Wall, and I got Mexico to pay for it. 🙂

golf clubs walk into a bar

A bunch of golf clubs walk into a bar. All but one of them order drinks.

The bartender asks the last one, “Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

“Nah,” he says, “I’m the designated driver.”

Cease Fire

Q: Why did Hamas agree to a cease fire with Israel?

A: They ran out of rockets. 

Practicing Yoga

I practice yoga religiously. Before every class, I pray that I’ll make it through.